A Question of Need and Want, Redux

     You can't always get what you want
     But if you try sometimes, you just might find
     You get what you need.

I wrote earlier that just before school started, I took an interview with a local university, my top choice of the fifty-plus schools where I applied. The interview was at the end of our last teacher prep day, a day when freshmen and transfer students would be on campus for orientation with their peer mentors. I awoke that morning with my stomach and my bed sheets in knots.

I hadn't realized how many of these students would seek me out in my classroom. I met about a dozen smiling students telling me how excited they were to be there and that they were looking forward to English this year. The knot in my stomach tightened.

That evening, in the university interview, I fell in love with the program all over again. I loved the philosophy and the culture of the program, and I knew I could make a home there. I wanted that position. But I had to tell the hiring committee that I was under contract for the year, and the call came just a few days too late.

They expressed regret and said something about the possibility of an adjunct position next semester. I was sincere in telling them how much I'd like that.

I walked to my car and suppressed tears.

That night, my brother texted me to inform me that it was one month before my 30th birthday. I replied, "Thanks. My day wasn't disappointing enough." I may have also made a vulgar remark.

He wrote back, "Really? You found out today that you were offered two jobs when most people in the country are not able to maintain/find one job. I think you're doing pretty good."

Damn his gift of perspective. He was right, of course. I told him I'd allow myself one day of mourning, then move on.

And, astonishingly, I did. Once my students walked through my door, I quickly fell into the rhythm of the classroom.

We've completed the first three weeks of the year, and I'm confident I made the right choice. It has nothing to do with contracts and leaving anyone in a lurch. This is just where I need to be.