A Question of Need and Want

The universe is testing me.

As I wrote in an earlier post, earlier this year I applied to dozens of teaching positions at various levels and types of institutions. After accepting a position with a local private high school, I devoted my summer to reading and planning for my new courses. I've been back to work for about two weeks now, attending yearbook conferences, new teacher orientation, and teacher prep week. My classroom is about ready, and I know what I'm teaching the first week. Students start Tuesday. I'm getting pretty excited.

Yesterday, I was at lunch with some colleagues when my phone rang. It was the director of a writing program at a local university—the program that had been my first choice. She said she thought I was a good fit for their program and wanted to know if I'd come in for an interview.

Yes, I would.

My interview is late Monday afternoon; I'll leave directly from my current school after teacher prep day has concluded. University classes begin on Wednesday. If I do end up teaching at the university, it means I'll show up at high school on the first day of classes and tell them it's my last.

I'll admit: I feel pretty bad about it, even though my husband and parents tell me I shouldn't. I need to do what's best for me.

That raises the question of what is best for me, and what will be my life's work.

My life's work: a phrase my former director used when talking to me about my job prospects. We were still living in New York, and I hadn't found a new teaching gig in Florida yet. "It may not happen this year," he said, "but you can make teaching and reviving grammar your life's work."

I really don't know what's best for me, or what will happen after Monday evening. I'm not even sure what I want. I'll just have to continue planning for Tuesday as if Monday wouldn't even happen.